July 14, 2009

The Decision

Dominic and I have decided to put Julian in preschool this fall. I had originally planned to homeschool him, but I'm pretty sure I would fail miserably. At least right now. There's still a very good chance that I will homeschool in the future, but with Melody so young and needy, my current inability to have a remotely clean house, and the fact that Julian actually cries when I tell him that he will stay home for school and I'll be his teacher, we've realized it's in everybody's best interest if Julian starts at a part- time preschool.

Now I am frantically researching every preschool in the area! I don't know how I'll be able to make this kind of decision. I'm horrified of picking a school that he doesn't like, or that doesn't have good, kind teachers. I am glad he'll be around other kids his age on a regular basis. I think he needs that. I know he wants it. And there's a chance I may even get my house clean!

But he's my first! And I'm so sad that he's growing up! I wish I could stop him! If I would keep him at home it would be easier for me to ignore the fact that he's getting so big. But actually taking him to a school and dropping him off...I'll lose it. There's no way I'll get through this without losing it. I'll know to wear waterproof mascara that day.

And here's my biggest worry: what if the other kids are mean to him? That is something I absolutely cannot handle. He is so incredibly sensitive, and I don't know how to be strong for him. He doesn't have any really close friends right now. There are some kids he likes that are his age, but when they get together he is sort of dismissed by them. They aren't as interested in him as he is in them. And it breaks my heart! I just want to keep him in a bubble. And I've tried. But he doens't want to be in a bubble. He wants to be out there with the other kids. Oh Lord I'm going to need Your strength through this. I need to know if this affects other moms as badly. I'm sitting here just crying. I don't know how to let him grow up.


  1. Andrew loves Julian! Although I think sometimes Andrew is a little much for Julian being that hes incredibly hyperactive and all over the place but he loves Julian! lol seriously he asks about Julian all the time.Its hard no matter what to be away from your kids,I think its even harder when the first one starts school,although I dont know exactly because Andrew hasnt started school yet either.But I know how you feel.It makes me sad that hes almost 4 and in two years he will be starting kindergarten.I can remember being pregnant with him and hes growing up so fast.I mean any school could have kids that arent "nice" but I think the chances are reduced if..okay this sounds really super bad but one of the reasons that we arent putting Andrew in county head start is because I have seen too many kids(when i worked in childcare) that had alot of serious behavior problems because their parents just didnt care and they had a horrible home enviroment,its less likely for that situation to be found at a private preschool.I mean obviously it still could be but I think its less likely and less prevalent.Private preschools tend to have a lower ratio too so things arent as chaotic and the teachers can devote more time to each child.Any place you look at just go in and look around,ask as many questions as you want and make sure you get a good feel for the place.When I was in college I must have toured at least 20 daycares before I settled on one.Everything will be okay.You are still a great mother and Julian is a total sweetheart I'm sure all the other kids will love him.If you ever want to get together for a playdate or anything just let me know,I dont ask alot anymore because I know you have alot going on and I dont want to overwhelm you.Hang in there and dont be sad!

  2. I didn't know you had a blog *hugs* Me too! Although... it's new... and I need to update (because my life is SO entertaining, atm... *cough*) but I've got one! On my list o' blogs you go!

  3. aww your post almost made ME cry! oy ve. my suggestion to you would be to put him in a pre-school that is run by a church and has a somewhat Christian curriculum. they are ALL over the place, and it will take some searching.. but he will do just fine in school. :) he's such a social butterfly, and there will be plenty of kids just like him in his class. trust me on this! he's a strong little boy, he won't let some meanie ruin his day. ;)