Dominic and I have decided to put Julian in preschool this fall. I had originally planned to homeschool him, but I'm pretty sure I would fail miserably. At least right now. There's still a very good chance that I will homeschool in the future, but with Melody so young and needy, my current inability to have a remotely clean house, and the fact that Julian actually cries when I tell him that he will stay home for school and I'll be his teacher, we've realized it's in everybody's best interest if Julian starts at a part- time preschool.
Now I am frantically researching every preschool in the area! I don't know how I'll be able to make this kind of decision. I'm horrified of picking a school that he doesn't like, or that doesn't have good, kind teachers. I am glad he'll be around other kids his age on a regular basis. I think he needs that. I know he wants it. And there's a chance I may even get my house clean!
But he's my first! And I'm so sad that he's growing up! I wish I could stop him! If I would keep him at home it would be easier for me to ignore the fact that he's getting so big. But actually taking him to a school and dropping him off...I'll lose it. There's no way I'll get through this without losing it. I'll know to wear waterproof mascara that day.
And here's my biggest worry: what if the other kids are mean to him? That is something I absolutely cannot handle. He is so incredibly sensitive, and I don't know how to be strong for him. He doesn't have any really close friends right now. There are some kids he likes that are his age, but when they get together he is sort of dismissed by them. They aren't as interested in him as he is in them. And it breaks my heart! I just want to keep him in a bubble. And I've tried. But he doens't want to be in a bubble. He wants to be out there with the other kids. Oh Lord I'm going to need Your strength through this. I need to know if this affects other moms as badly. I'm sitting here just crying. I don't know how to let him grow up.